There are a lot of arrogant, isolated, self-reliant, “I’m never wrong” jerks in this world. (I contemplated stronger language, but I think you get the picture).  You’re probably visualizing a few right now.

But honestly, I think there’s a much more dangerous epidemic.

An epidemic of self-protection. A sickness that defines itself by validation from others. A disease that stifles conviction, and forces God-given potential back into the turtle shell of self-doubt.

It’s ugly.  It’s sinful.  And it’s something I battle daily in my own life.

Below is an excerpt from my personal journal. A little butt kicking I got from God last week (He wears big shoes, but I think they’re Toms. Soft soles).  A bit of a pep talk that may mean something to you, too.

6-29-2010

Stop waiting for others to define or validate you. If you blow it, blow it BIG.  And blow it based on a deep conviction you feel in your heart.  Stop waiting for a wave to ride.  Go create a wave!

Stop mentally adjusting to criticism you haven’t really heard, but imagine or anticipate. That’s CRAZY!  Put what you think out there.  If others disagree, – listen, critique, adjust if needed – but don’t hide out of fear of rejection or criticism. You’re big enough to handle that.

Listen for God’s voice, but when you hear as much as a whisper – GO!  Run!  Stop waiting for others to give you permission. Stop trying to hedge your potential for mistakes.  Stop being a slave to opinion.  Start being a true follower of Christ.

Does any of this resonate with you?  Are you ever paralyzed by the fear of screwing things up? Of facing shame from those who may see things differently?  Are you avoiding creating, injecting, speaking, writing, asking, or starting something today because you lack the courage to face the criticism if you’re wrong?

What if we feared missing a God-0pportunity more than we feared making a mistake?

A few months ago I shared some medical challenges that my family was facing via this blog and at our weekly gathering for City Community Church.  There have been some very encouraging recent updates, so I thought I’d post them here for those who are interested.

MANDY: my wife’s thyroid issues have all come back clean and clear, and following a couple of preventative procedures she is fully on the mend and back to keeping me and the kids in line (wish her luck with that one).

AUSTIN: my 4 year old is getting used to his new glasses, and if his mom and dad can be more disciplined with his patch therapy, there’s a long-term possibility his vision could improve enough to lose the eye correction altogether.

DISNEY: our sweet little Boston Terrier Disney…well no, she didn’t resurrect from the dead.  But we did get a new miniature addition to the family: a Yorkshire Terrier named “Buzz.” (as in Lightyear).

ME: after two miserable months on anti-seizure medication (if I was mean, nasty, or completely unpleasant to any of you, I do have a medical excuse), I decided to see a new neurologist here in Indy.  This second opinion yielded new perspective on my symptoms and reversed my initial “risk of seizure” diagnosis.  Instead, it seems I have a condition known as Optical (or silent) Migraines.  While still a neurological event, it is not as serious as a seizure disorder and can hopefully be managed without medication.  In fact, I just finished the five week detox (those meds are serious stuff) and am completely off any medication for the first time since early October.

We’ve been excited to share these developments with you, and really to say thank you for all the prayers and love we’ve felt these last few months.  Pain, suffering, and events beyond our control are often God’s greatest shaping tools.  And as much as I hate that reality, this quote from my original October post rings truer than ever today:

I don’t want a belief system – a philosophy – that gives me easy answers I can frame and hang on the mantle, an opiate created to dull my pain.  I need a Savior willing to embody my suffering, to redeem it, to shape me deeply through this far-too-often unexplainable journey, and to both weep and celebrate with me all along the way.

Sometimes our stories seem to have happy endings, and sometimes the pain and confusion is a long-term companion.  But I’m learning to hang onto Jesus no matter what the journey brings, because I trust Him to use both joy and pain to unfold His perfection in me. I pray the same is true in your life.

Sometimes I’m less than honest.  With others.  With God.  Even with myself.  No, I’m not a compulsive liar, but I may need therapy.  And you may, too.

Have you ever noticed how often we can get caught up in should?  How should I think?  How should I feel?  How should I respond?  What should I say?  Not all bad, especially when we’re dealing with God.  Our gut reaction, our flesh, is usually not the best way to think, act, or talk.  God has standards for our lives, right?  And if some of you are like me, anytime you have a natural reaction that goes against what you know (or believe you know) about God, you stuff it.  You pretend you never thought it, never said it, never felt it.  That’s not how I should be feeling.  Get back in line.

And that check up isn’t all bad.  We want to be sensitive to the unfolding of God’s character inside of our lives.  We want to feel that prick when we step over the line or when our thoughts or responses aren’t pleasing to Him.  We want to submit our natural desires to God’s ultimate design for our lives.  But when we fail to disclose, or worse yet even acknowledge, what really exists inside of us, we really have no hope of ever becoming all God created us to be.  We’re less than honest.  We’re liars.

That veneer makes us fake.  Churches are full of people who are talking and acting like they think they should, and not necessarily as they really are.  At times our desire to conform to church cultural expectations can override what God really desires from us:  total and complete honesty and vulnerability before Him and with one another.

We’re all broken and damaged.  We all fall far short of God’s intent for our lives.  When we’re hurt, or fearful, or angry, or (insert your visceral emotional response of choice here), the best response is to be honest with ourselves, with each other, and most of all with God.  But most of us either hide or wallow in it.  We pretend we’re holy, or we swim freely in the bitterness.  Neither option works.

God wants to move beyond the veneer.  He doesn’t want us to falsely act as we we think we should, but to be as we really are.  And then, in the midst of that transparent honesty, to allow Him to mold and shape and transform us into what He desires.  But most of us won’t admit where we really are, or we’re just content to stay there.

King David was called “a man after God’s own heart,” not because He did everything as he should (check out 2 Samuel for yourself), but because he was completely open and honest before God (check out the book of Psalms for some amazingly transparent rantings).  He allowed God to transform who he really was.  God was able to do great things through David, not because he was perfect, but because he honestly allowed God to invade his imperfection.

God wants to violently collide with our reality.  Not with what we think we should be, but with who we really are.  Under the veneer.

I’ve written songs for and about my kids, blogged about my wonderful mom, and told stories of my selfless father over and over again.  But I’ve never shared anything in this kind of context about my wife, maybe subtly due to the fact that I think that’s too private or intimate, but probably because I’m just far too often oblivious to some of the sweetest blessings God has given me.

I married up...way up.  And while Mandy is human just like the rest of us (although some days I wonder), her God-given traits and spirit are life to my bones, a strength I impulsively lean back into far more than I think I even realize.  I know husbands are contractually obligated to say it (but I really, really mean it), she is undeniably gorgeous.  I often find myself secretly staring at her in the quiet moments, thinking how lucky I am to have a wife who’s internal and external beauty blend into such perfection.  I just love to be near her.

I don’t know another woman more qualified to walk the paths God has asked us to walk.  As the daughter of a pastor, she never wanted to marry one…and she didn’t.  She married a business man, who turned into a musician, who became a pastor, who is now a church planter.  If she would have seen that in the contract, I’d undoubtedly still be single.  But she never blinked, never questioned, never feared (even when I did) as we turned our focus from highly controlled, unlimited earthly upside potential, to a life of risk, big questions, and buckets full of unknowns.  I’m still amazed at her steadiness as this journey has unfolded.

But more than anything I love her heart…her heart for others.  It can seem hidden in her somewhat introverted nature, but she derives so much satisfaction in doing things for other people.  Her dream is to one day have a decorating firm that is both a business and a ministry, serving less fortunate people by bringing new life to the interiors of their homes.  (Secretly, I tihnk she just wants her own TLC show!).  If she wasn’t a mom she could be running a Fortune 500 company.  I can’t wait until the time is right to help her get it started.

So here’s to my unbelievable wife.  I love you Mandy.  As I look around, it’s undeniable that I have been blessed in ways I can’t even begin to quantify.  But I would trade them all in for you.  Thank you for being my wife.  Thank you for taking this journey with me.  Can’t wait to see how the rest of it unfolds.

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.  Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.” (Proverbs 31:10 MSG)

A lot of the fear & stress we deal with on a daily basis stems from trying to hold onto things we have:  money, resources, relationships, perspectives, dreams of the future.  Obviously, none of those things is bad.  But we must learn to hold them loosely.  Rich or poor, full or empty, whether life is panning out exactly according to our plan, we have to keep from holding too tightly to anything, even a mindset or a future expectation.

Jesus…“rich as He was, He gave it all away for us – in one stroke he became poor and we became rich.” (2 Cor. 8:9 MSG)

Just like Jesus…learn to live life with an open hand.